Are You Too Demanding, or Has He Given Up? Finding Balance in Your Relationship
In many heterosexual relationships, an imbalance can develop where one partner feels they are constantly pushing for change, while the other seems to withdraw or give up. Often, women express frustration at feeling unheard or unsupported, while men may feel pressured, criticised, or like they can never do enough.
This dynamic can leave both partners feeling stuck—one pushing harder, the other pulling away. So, how do you break this cycle and create a relationship where both people feel valued, respected, and satisfied?
As an accredited coach, psychosexual therapy student, and experienced sexual health adviser, I work with couples to help them rebuild connection, improve communication, and create a more balanced dynamic.
Why Does This Dynamic Happen?
When tension arises in relationships, it often follows a pattern:
The “Pursuer” vs. The “Withdrawer” – One person takes on the responsibility of making the relationship work, pushing for change, while the other resists or withdraws.
Emotional Burnout – One partner feels exhausted from constantly trying, while the other feels criticised and defensive.
Miscommunication – A demand for connection might come across as control, while a desire for space might be misread as disinterest.
Unspoken Expectations – If needs aren’t openly communicated, one partner may assume the other should just know what they need.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone—this is a common dynamic that many couples experience, but it doesn’t have to stay this way.
Finding the Right Balance
A healthy relationship thrives on mutual effort, respect, and emotional safety. If you feel like you’re doing all the work—or like your partner has checked out—it’s time to reassess how you communicate and interact.
For Those Who Feel Like They’re Always Pushing
If you find yourself constantly driving conversations about change, intimacy, or emotional connection, ask yourself:
• Am I expressing my needs clearly, or am I criticising?
→ Instead of saying, “You never make an effort!”, try “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend time together—can we plan something just for us?”
• Do I allow my partner space to respond, or do I fill in the gaps?
→ Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest. Sometimes, your partner needs time to process before they respond.
• Am I looking for control rather than collaboration?
→ The goal isn’t to “fix” your partner but to work together towards a relationship that meets both of your needs.
For Those Who Feel Like They’ve Given Up
If you’ve withdrawn from conflict or stopped engaging, ask yourself:
• Do I avoid conversations because they feel like a battle?
→ If discussions feel like criticisms, it’s natural to shut down—but avoiding them doesn’t solve the issue.
• Am I expressing what I need, or am I just keeping quiet?
→ If your partner is always leading the discussion, they might assume you have no concerns. Your voice matters, too.
• Do I see compromise as a loss?
→ Relationships thrive when both partners feel heard. Compromise doesn’t mean giving in—it means co-creating solutions.
Tools for Better Communication
Use “I” Statements
Instead of “You never listen to me,” try “I feel unheard when we don’t talk about important things.”
Pause Before Reacting
When emotions run high, take a moment to breathe and think before responding.
Check Your Assumptions
Ask yourself: Am I assuming the worst about my partner’s intentions?
Create Space for Both Voices
Set aside time where each person speaks without interruption, allowing them to fully express their thoughts.
Seek Support
Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference. Coaching can help you break negative cycles and develop healthier ways of communicating.
Building a Relationship That Works for Both of You
The best relationships aren’t about winning or losing—they’re about understanding, adapting, and growing together.
If you feel like you’re always leading the charge, try stepping back and allowing your partner space to engage.
If you’ve been withdrawing, take a step forward and voice your needs.
If communication feels like a battle, learn how to express yourselves in a way that strengthens connection rather than deepens resentment.
Need Support? Let’s Work Together
At JKL Therapy Centre, I help couples and individuals identify what’s not working, develop new ways of communicating, and rebuild intimacy and connection.
If you’re ready to shift the dynamics in your relationship and find a healthier, more satisfying balance, reach out today. Coaching can help you create the partnership you truly want—one built on respect, understanding, and mutual fulfilment.
Want to take the next step? Contact JKL Therapy Centre to discover how coaching can support you.
