Are You Asking for Too Much in Dating? How Coaching Can Help You Navigate Love, Expectations, and Self-Discovery

As an Accredited Senior Coach with years of experience in relationship and psychosexual coaching, I see a common struggle among my clients at JKL Therapy Centre—they wonder, “Am I asking for too much?”

Whether you’re a busy professional re-entering the dating scene, navigating relationships as a neurodivergent individual, or starting over after a long-term relationship or divorce, it’s easy to feel caught between what you want and what you think you should want.

But what if the real question isn’t “Am I asking for too much?”—but rather, “Am I asking for the right things?”

Shifting From “I Should” to “I Could”

Many people approach dating with an internal checklist:

• I should find someone who ticks all the right boxes.

• I should be dating by now.

• I should compromise if I want a serious relationship.

But I often see that these “shoulds” are rooted in external pressures—from society, family, or past experiences—rather than authentic personal desires.

Instead, I encourage my clients to shift to an “I could” mindset:

• I could explore different types of relationships that align with who I am today.

• I could prioritise emotional safety and kindness over arbitrary checklists.

• I could take the time to understand what truly makes me happy in a partner.

This shift removes pressure and creates space for self-discovery, leading to more fulfilling connections.

Are Your Standards Too High—or Just Misaligned?

I often work with clients who are high achievers in their careers but feel lost in dating. They either:

• Set overly high standards as a defence mechanism (“If I keep waiting, I won’t get hurt”).

• Lower their expectations out of fear of being alone (“Maybe I’m asking for too much”).

Neither approach leads to a satisfying relationship. Instead, a coach can help you:

• Distinguish between healthy expectations and limiting beliefs.

• Clarify whether your standards reflect your core values or external pressures.

• Develop confidence in your choices—so you’re not settling, but also not chasing an impossible ideal.

Can You Compromise Without Losing Yourself?

Compromise is important—but not all compromises are healthy. The key question I ask my clients is:

Are you compromising on what matters—or on who you are?

For example:

• Healthy compromise: Adjusting to a partner’s schedule or interests while still feeling fulfilled.

• Unhealthy compromise: Shrinking your needs, desires, or personality to “make it work.”

A coach helps you balance openness with self-respect, so your relationship choices feel right for you rather than driven by fear or pressure.

Desire vs. External Pressures: What Do You Actually Want?

I’ve worked with clients who assumed they wanted a committed relationship—until they realised they were actually craving adventure and emotional freedom. Others believed they wanted casual dating but discovered they were looking for deep emotional security.

We don’t always date based on what we truly want—we date based on what we think we should want.

Ask yourself:

• Do I want a relationship that’s hot and exciting or one that feels steady and secure?

• What do I actually enjoy for fun—and does my dating life reflect that?

• Am I making choices based on fear or fulfillment?

How a Coach Can Help You Find Love on Your Terms

At JKL Therapy Centre, I support clients in navigating dating and relationships with clarity and confidence. Whether you’re:

• A high-achieving professional who struggles with online dating

• A neurodivergent individual wondering how to communicate your needs in relationships

• Recently single after a long-term relationship and feeling lost in the modern dating world

Coaching can help you:

• Clarify your dating mindset – Are your standards aligned with your values?

• Build confidence in your dating approach – How can you show up authentically?

• Understand emotional barriers – Are past experiences holding you back?

• Develop practical strategies for success – From online dating profiles to first-date confidence.

Hot Tip for Your Dating Life ;)

If you feel stuck in dating, stop focusing on “finding the right person” and start focusing on becoming the right person for the kind of relationship you want.

Ask yourself:

• Am I the type of person who attracts the kind of relationship I desire?

• Do my daily habits and mindset reflect the kind of love I want to experience?

Love isn’t just about meeting the right person—it’s about creating the right environment for the right person to enter your life.

Ready to Approach Dating Differently?

If you’re tired of feeling stuck in your love life, a coaching session can help you gain clarity and direction.

Book a consultation with me at JKL Therapy Centre to start dating with confidence.