Unhealthy Masculinity and Its Role in Psychosexual and Relationship Difficulties: A Psychosexual Therapist’s Perspective

As a psychosexual therapist, I frequently encounter the pervasive impact of unhealthy masculinity—commonly referred to as toxic masculinity—on clients’ sexual and relational well-being. Rooted in rigid societal norms, unhealthy masculinity prescribes a narrow definition of manhood, emphasising dominance, emotional suppression, aggression, and control. These harmful constructs not only affect men’s mental health but also play a significant role in creating barriers to intimacy, sexual satisfaction, and healthy relationships.

It is important to note that when we discuss unhealthy masculinity, we are not exclusively referring to cisgender men. Unhealthy masculinity is a set of behaviours and beliefs that can manifest in individuals of all gender identities, including cisgender women, transgender men and women, and non-binary individuals. These traits are not inherently tied to biological sex or gender identity but are instead internalised societal norms that can influence anyone. This article explores how these dynamics manifest in psychosexual therapy contexts and offers insights into addressing them.

Unhealthy Masculinity in Psychosexual Dynamics

Unhealthy masculinity often shapes how individuals view themselves and their roles in relationships, leading to significant psychosexual challenges. Below are key areas where it manifests:

1. Emotional Suppression and Intimacy Barriers

• People influenced by unhealthy masculinity—regardless of their gender—may struggle with emotional expression due to societal conditioning that equates vulnerability with weakness. This emotional suppression creates barriers to emotional intimacy, which is crucial for fulfilling sexual relationships.

• For example, a cisgender woman who has internalised unhealthy masculine ideals may feel the need to suppress her emotions or adopt a “tough” persona in relationships, hindering her ability to connect deeply with her partner.

2. Performance Anxiety and Sexual Dysfunction

• Toxic masculine norms place immense pressure on individuals to conform to rigid expectations of sexual performance or dominance. For cisgender men, this often manifests as performance anxiety or erectile dysfunction (ED). For transgender men or women and non-binary individuals, it can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or dysphoria related to their bodies.

• The focus on “proving” one’s worth through sexual performance reduces sex to a transactional act rather than an intimate connection, further exacerbating relational difficulties.

3. Transactional Views of Affection

• Unhealthy masculinity often equates affection with sex while devaluing non-sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling or verbal affirmations. This dynamic can affect anyone regardless of gender identity. For example:

• A cisgender woman may feel compelled to prioritise sexual acts over emotional closeness due to internalised beliefs that physical intimacy is the primary way to maintain a relationship.

• A non-binary person might feel pressure to conform to traditional masculine ideals in order to “prove” their worth or legitimacy in a relationship.

4. Aggression and Control in Relationships

• The emphasis on dominance often spills into relational dynamics, leading individuals of any gender identity to exhibit controlling behaviours or struggle with jealousy and possessiveness.

For example:

• A transgender man influenced by unhealthy masculine ideals may feel pressure to assert dominance in his relationship as a way of validating his masculinity.

• A cisgender woman may adopt controlling behaviours as a defence mechanism against perceived vulnerability.

Psychosexual Implications of Unhealthy Masculinity

The consequences of toxic masculinity extend beyond relational challenges into broader psychosexual issues:

Impact on Sexual Satisfaction

• Emotional detachment limits the development of emotional intimacy—a key predictor of sexual satisfaction for all partners. Without this foundation, couples may struggle with fulfilling sex lives regardless of their gender identities.

Contribution to Sexual Violence

• Unhealthy masculine ideals perpetuate harmful myths about entitlement and dominance during sex. These beliefs can manifest across all genders—for example:

• A cisgender woman might internalise the idea that she must always be sexually available for her partner.

• A non-binary person might feel pressured into adopting aggressive behaviours during sex as a way of conforming to traditional masculine expectations.

Homophobia, Transphobia, and Shame

• Toxic masculinity stigmatises any deviation from heterosexuality or traditional gender roles. This stigma creates internalised shame for LGBTQ+ individuals while also fostering external discrimination.

• For transgender individuals, unhealthy masculinity can exacerbate feelings of dysphoria by reinforcing rigid gender binaries.

Addressing Unhealthy Masculinity in Psychosexual Therapy

As a psychosexual therapist, addressing unhealthy masculinity requires a nuanced approach that recognises its impact across all genders while integrating emotional healing with practical interventions:

1. Promoting Emotional Expression

• Encouraging clients—regardless of their gender—to explore emotions beyond anger is critical. Techniques such as mindfulness-based therapy or expressive writing can help clients reconnect with suppressed feelings.

2. Redefining Masculinity

• Therapy sessions often involve challenging rigid gender norms by introducing healthier models of masculinity that embrace vulnerability, empathy, and collaboration. For example:

• Discussing the concept of “divine masculinity,” which values self-awareness and community support over dominance.

• Highlighting positive role models across all genders who demonstrate emotional openness.

3. Improving Sexual Communication

• Helping clients develop skills for open dialogue about desires, boundaries, and fears is essential for improving relational intimacy.

• Structured exercises like sensate focus therapy can help couples rebuild trust and connection without the pressure of performance.

4. Addressing Cognitive Distortions

• Many clients hold distorted beliefs about sex (e.g., “I must always perform perfectly” or “Sex equals love”). Cognitive-behavioural techniques can help challenge these harmful narratives while fostering healthier attitudes toward intimacy.

5. Educating on Consent and Healthy Boundaries

• Psychoeducation on consent and mutual respect is vital for clients who exhibit controlling tendencies influenced by unhealthy masculine ideals. This education applies universally across all genders.

Conclusion

Unhealthy masculinity is not confined to one gender—it is a set of societal constructs that can affect anyone regardless of whether they identify as a cisgender man or woman, transgender person, or non-binary individual. These harmful norms foster emotional suppression, performance anxiety, aggression, and transactional views of intimacy that undermine psychosexual health and relational fulfilment.

As psychosexual therapists, we have the opportunity—and responsibility—to help clients recognise how these constructs influence their lives and relationships. By fostering awareness, promoting emotional healing, and encouraging healthier models of self-expression across all genders, we can empower clients to cultivate deeper connections with themselves and others while dismantling the harmful legacies of unhealthy masculinity once and for all.

References:

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