Part One: How Monotropism Shapes Neurodivergent Relationships and Sexuality

Why do some people experience relationships and sexuality as deeply immersive, emotionally intense, or overwhelming—while struggling with surface-level social cues or rapid attention shifts?

One possible answer lies in monotropism, a cognitive theory closely linked to autism. While direct research explicitly linking monotropism and psychosexual functioning appears limited—or may not yet exist—the overlap between these areas offers valuable insights. By drawing from both theoretical frameworks and lived experiences, we can deepen our understanding of how neurodivergent individuals relate to intimacy, identity, and desire.

What Is Monotropism?

First introduced by Dinah Murray in the early 1990s, monotropism describes a cognitive tendency to focus attention deeply and narrowly on a small number of interests at a time. Rather than dividing attention across multiple stimuli (as in polytropism), the monotropic mind immerses itself in its chosen subject, often to the exclusion of surrounding context.

This focus can be a source of intense joy, learning, and emotional meaning—but it can also impact social interaction, sensory regulation, and how people experience and express their sexuality.

Eight Dimensions of Monotropic Thinking in Everyday Life and Relationships

Recent research has identified eight key psychological factors that contribute to monotropic thought patterns. Far from being purely clinical or negative, these traits shape how monotropic individuals experience the world—especially in relationships, intimacy, and emotional connection.

Below, I explore each factor with real-life inspired examples, illustrating how they might appear in daily life and relational dynamics:

1. Managing Social Situations

Monotropic minds can find fast-paced or ambiguous social settings exhausting. The constant switching of topics, nonverbal cues, and small talk can create cognitive overload.

💬 Example:
Alex prefers one-on-one conversations where they can dive deep into a shared interest. At a family gathering, they might feel overwhelmed by the noise and fragmented interactions, preferring to find one person in the corner to talk with about their favourite sci-fi series (right yeah?).

🧠 Relational impact: They may build fewer but more intimate and meaningful connections, thriving in long-term relationships where communication is clear and expectations are consistent.

2. Rumination and Anxiety

When something feels unresolved, a monotropic mind might loop on it for hours—or days—trying to make sense of what went wrong.

💬 Example:
After a disagreement with their partner, Sam replays the conversation repeatedly, analysing each word and trying to figure out what they could have done differently. They can’t let it go until they’ve talked it through.

🧠 Relational impact: While this depth of reflection can foster accountability, it may also require gentle reassurance and explicit closure to ease mental spirals.

3. Struggle with Decision-Making

When too many options are on the table—or a decision interrupts a focus tunnel—it can become paralysing.

💬 Example:
Choosing a restaurant for date night becomes a 45-minute exercise in stress. Jamie needs to weigh every detail—lighting, noise, menu, layout—before they can commit.

🧠 Relational impact: They thrive when given time, space, or visual aids to make decisions. Partners who help simplify choices (without pressure) create a sense of trust and collaboration.

4. Anxiety-Reducing Effect of Special Interests

Special interests aren't “just hobbies”—they’re lifelines. Immersing in them can soothe anxiety, build identity, and create meaning.

💬 Example:
When overwhelmed, Taylor turns to their deep interest in antique maps. Studying cartography doesn’t just distract—it restores emotional balance.

🧠 Relational impact: In relationships, sharing or being supported in these interests can become a powerful bonding experience—as long as they’re validated rather than dismissed.

5. Need for Routines

Routines create predictability and reduce mental strain. Disruption can cause emotional or sensory dysregulation.

💬 Example:
Every morning, Jordan follows the same sequence: tea, yoga, journaling. When that routine is disrupted, even by a small surprise like an early visitor, it can throw off their entire day.

🧠 Relational impact: Partners who respect and support these routines often find that they are sharing life with someone who is intentional, grounded, and self-aware.

6. Special Interests

Monotropic individuals often develop in-depth knowledge or passion for specific topics—sometimes building careers or identities around them.

💬 Example:
Leah has loved astronomy since childhood and can speak passionately for hours about black holes. Her partner doesn’t share the interest but loves seeing her light up when she shares.

🧠 Relational impact: Being curious or supportive—rather than dismissive—of a monotropic person’s passions creates emotional intimacy and trust.

7. Losing Track of Other Factors

The immersive nature of monotropic focus can mean missing things in the periphery—like hunger, time, or even how someone else is feeling in the moment.

💬 Example:
Chris is working on a creative project and completely forgets to reply to a text from their partner for hours—not out of disinterest, but because they were in the “zone.”

🧠 Relational impact: With open communication and gentle reminders, this can be managed with mutual understanding. It’s not a lack of care—just a different way of attending to the world.

8. Environmental Impact on the Attention Tunnel

External environments—like lighting, sound, or temperature—can disrupt or support attention. Overstimulation can crash the focus tunnel entirely.

💬 Example:
While reading at a café, Mia is thrown off by loud background music and fluorescent lighting. Their thoughts become scattered, and they leave feeling mentally exhausted. Sensory input and surroundings significantly affect the ability to focus or feel safe.

🧠 Relational impact: When partners co-create sensory-friendly environments, monotropic individuals can flourish—bringing creativity, insight, and emotional depth into shared spaces.

Want to Go Deeper?

Curious about how psychosexual functioning connects more deeply with neurodivergent experiences? Check out Part Two , where I explore how monotropism influences psychosexual functioning and relationships, from deep emotional focus and sensory intimacy to ethical kink and structured communication.

And if you’re wondering how monotropic your mind might be, take a moment to explore your own attention style by trying the Monotropism Questionnaire—you might discover a whole new way to understand how you think, feel, and connect.

If you’re a therapist, coach, or health professional seeking to work more confidently and compassionately with neurodivergent clients, I’m offering a 1-day experiential CPD training that dives into the rich, often-overlooked intersections of neurodivergence, sex, and relationships.

This training is packed with practical tools (including 8 creative client activities), reflective space, and a developmental approach that moves away from pathologising labels.