Why Some Men Struggle in Dating – Common Mistakes and How to Fix Them
*In this article, I focus on the dating challenges faced by cisgender men, those who are struggling to navigate modern dating dynamics.
Are you finding it hard to get results in the dating scene?
Despite swiping, messaging, and going on dates, meaningful connections can remain elusive. As a registered senior coach at JKL Therapy Centre, I work with many men who share these frustrations—and I’ve noticed several recurring mistakes that may be holding them back.
1. The “Nice Guy” Trap vs. Overcompensation
Many men fall into one of two extremes when it comes to self-presentation:
The “Nice Guy” Trap: You might try too hard to be agreeable, often suppressing your own opinions. This can come across as lacking confidence or authenticity, which may leave a poor impression.
Overcompensation: On the other hand, some men lean too far into a dominant persona, using bravado that can feel off-putting. The key is to strike a balance—demonstrating genuine self-assurance without resorting to performance.
2. A Generic Online Presence
Your dating profile is often the first impression you make, yet many profiles tend to be generic. For example:
Overly polished photos and a vague bio that simply says “Just ask” or “Looking for fun” don’t tell others who you really are.
A profile that blends in with hundreds of similar profiles fails to spark curiosity.
The fix? Create a profile that tells a story. Use candid photos that highlight your interests, and write a bio that gives insight into your personality. For instance, instead of saying “I love to travel,” mention a recent adventure like, “I just returned from a spontaneous hiking trip in the Lake District—what’s your most memorable adventure?”
3. Expecting Instant Chemistry
Many men expect an immediate spark on the first date. When that instant connection doesn’t occur, it can be discouraging. In reality, meaningful connections often develop gradually as trust and familiarity build over time.
Focus on enjoying the process rather than expecting fireworks right away. Allow the conversation to develop naturally and give yourself permission to take time to really get to know the other person.
4. Being Emotionally Guarded
A common barrier to forming deep connections is being overly guarded with your emotions. Traditional ideas about how a man should behave can lead to keeping feelings under lock and key. However, showing a bit of vulnerability—even if it’s as simple as sharing a personal story or a light insecurity—can make you more approachable and relatable.
Opening up a little can invite the other person to do the same, paving the way for a more genuine connection.
5. Uncertainty About What You Really Want
Often, men don’t take the time to define what they’re truly looking for in a relationship. This can result in mixed signals or a passive approach to dating. Are you seeking a committed relationship, or are you just looking for casual connection? Understanding your own needs and values is essential.
Take a moment to ask yourself:
What kind of relationship would truly make you happy?
Are you dating based on external pressures or genuine desire?
Which qualities matter most to you in a partner?
Hot Tip for Better Dating Results
If you’re struggling with dating, try this simple tip: Focus on being genuinely curious about your date.
Replace small talk with open-ended questions that invite deeper conversation. For example, ask, “What’s a passion project you’ve been working on lately?” This approach not only makes the conversation more engaging but also helps you uncover common interests and values.
How Coaching at JKL Therapy Centre Can Help
At JKL Therapy Centre, I support men in transforming their dating lives by:
• Rebalancing authenticity and confidence: Learning to show up as your true self while maintaining healthy self-assurance.
• Optimising your online presence: Creating a dating profile that stands out and truly represents you.
• Developing a gradual approach to connection: Understanding that meaningful relationships take time to build.
• Embracing vulnerability: Discovering that opening up can strengthen your connection with others.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck in your dating life, coaching can help you identify and overcome these common pitfalls, setting you on the path to more authentic and lasting connections.
Ready to transform your dating approach?
Book a consultation with me at JKL Therapy Centre today and take the first step toward a more fulfilling love life.
