How to Start Couple/Relationship Therapy: A Practical Guide
Introduction
Couple/relationship therapy, also known as marriage counselling or couples therapy, is a valuable resource for enhancing relationship dynamics, resolving conflicts, and fostering greater intimacy. Whether you're facing specific challenges or seeking to strengthen your relationship proactively, therapy can provide a supportive space to navigate these aspects together.
First Step: Recognising the Need
Recognising when couple/relationship therapy might be beneficial is the first step. Common signs include frequent arguments, difficulty communicating effectively, emotional disconnection, or unresolved conflicts that impact daily life. It's important to understand that seeking therapy doesn't signify failure but rather a commitment to improving your relationship. I outline practical steps for recognising the need in the article here.
Choosing the Right Therapist
Finding the right therapist is crucial. Look for someone who specialises in couple/relationship therapy and has experience with diverse relationship structures, including monogamous, non-monogamous, and polyamorous relationships. Consider their qualifications, certifications, and whether they have expertise in addressing specific issues like mental health conditions or neurodivergence.
If you are looking for a therapist in the United Kingdom, you may want to consult the Relationship Therapy (RT) Register at COSRT or ensure that the therapist you choose has a diploma or qualification in couple therapy.
Practical Steps to Start Therapy
Discuss with Your Partner(s): Initiate an open and honest conversation with your partner(s) about starting therapy. Approach the discussion with empathy and a focus on mutual growth.
Research and Consultation: Use online directories, referrals from friends or healthcare providers, and therapist profiles to find potential therapists. Schedule initial consultations to discuss your goals and assess the therapist's approach and compatibility.
Prepare for the First Session: Before your first session, discuss with your partner(s) what you hope to achieve from therapy. Be prepared to discuss your relationship history, current challenges, and goals for therapy.
Practical Considerations: Discuss fees upfront and check if your insurance covers therapy. Budget for private sessions, typically ranging from £40 to £300 per session, with options for sliding scale fees or NHS referrals where available.
Scheduling: Find a time that works for both partners and the therapist.
Insurance: Verify coverage for couple and psychosexual therapy sessions.
The Therapy Process
What to Expect in Sessions: Therapy sessions typically involve discussing relationship issues, exploring underlying causes, and practising communication and problem-solving skills. Sessions are collaborative, with all partners actively participating.
Specifics of Psychosexual Therapy: Psychosexual therapy addresses sexual function, desire discrepancies, and intimacy issues. Techniques may include education, communication exercises, and behavioural strategies.
Tailoring Therapy for Diverse Relationship Structures: For consensual non-monogamy and polyamory, therapy focuses on managing jealousy, trust, communication, and boundary setting. The therapist will respect and understand the dynamics of your specific relationship structure.
Homework and Exercises: Expect to be given exercises or homework to reinforce session learnings. This may include communication exercises, journaling, or specific activities to improve intimacy.
Duration and Frequency: Therapy duration varies based on the issues at hand. Sessions typically occur weekly or bi-weekly and can last from a few months to a year or more, depending on progress and goals.
What to Expect in the First Session
In the first session, the therapist will typically:
Conduct an initial assessment to understand your relationship dynamics and individual perspectives.
Collaboratively set goals for therapy based on your discussions and concerns.
Establish a comfortable and non-judgmental environment for open dialogue.
Navigating Challenges in Therapy
Communication: Practise active listening and constructive communication techniques learned in therapy sessions.
Commitment: Stay committed to attending sessions regularly, even when challenges arise.
Resolving Differences: Address differences in therapy goals or discomfort discussing sensitive topics with the therapist's guidance.
Continuing Therapy and Long-Term Benefits
Improved Communication: Learn effective communication skills, including active listening and assertiveness, to better express thoughts and emotions.
Conflict Resolution: Develop strategies to resolve conflicts constructively, reducing repetitive arguments and misunderstandings.
Enhanced Emotional Intimacy: Deepen emotional connection and understanding between partners, fostering empathy and support.
Physical Intimacy: Address barriers to physical intimacy and explore ways to enhance intimacy and pleasure.
Psychosexual Functioning: Address sexual concerns such as desire discrepancies, performance anxiety, or sexual trauma, improving sexual satisfaction and intimacy.
Trust Building: Work on rebuilding trust after breaches such as infidelity or betrayal, establishing a foundation for a stronger relationship.
Healing from Trauma: Support each other in processing past traumas or difficult experiences, fostering healing and resilience as a couple.
Navigating Life Transitions: Receive guidance and support during major life changes such as becoming parents, career shifts, or relocating, to strengthen the relationship.
Managing Differences: Learn to appreciate and navigate differences in personalities, values, and interests, promoting acceptance and mutual respect.
Developing Relationship Skills: Acquire tools and techniques for maintaining a healthy relationship long-term, including goal setting, problem-solving, and shared decision-making.
Each of these benefits contributes to creating a more fulfilling and resilient partnership, tailored to meet the unique needs and challenges of each partner.
Additional Resources and Support
Explore workshops, books, or online resources that complement therapy and support your relationship goals. Consider joining support groups or engaging in community activities that promote healthy relationship practices.
Conclusion
Starting couple/relationship therapy is a proactive step towards nurturing and strengthening your relationship(s). By investing in therapy, you're prioritising your emotional well-being and commitment to each other's growth. Embrace the journey with openness and dedication, and trust in the process of building a more fulfilling relationship together.
As an advanced couple psychotherapist specialising in psychosexual and relationship therapy, I bring extensive experience in supporting diverse relationship structures. This includes monogamous relationships, consensual non-monogamy, polyamorous relationships, and configurations involving more than two individuals. I also work with partners in same-sex, non-binary, and gender-diverse relationships, addressing their unique dynamics and challenges.
Furthermore, I provide specialised support for partners coping with mental health conditions or neurodivergent traits like autism spectrum conditions (ASC) or ADHD. My approach creates a supportive, non-judgmental space where all partners can explore and strengthen their relationships. To learn more about my approach to couple/relationship therapy, please visit the page here. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to schedule a 20-minute free initial consultation with me.
FAQs
Common Questions about Couple Therapy
What should we expect in our first couple therapy session? The first session typically involves discussing your relationship history, current issues, and therapy goals.
How long does couple therapy usually last? The duration varies but often ranges from a few months to a year, depending on the complexity of issues.
Can couple therapy help with communication issues? Yes, improving communication is a primary focus of couple therapy.
How does therapy work for polyamorous relationships? Therapy addresses the unique dynamics of polyamory, focusing on trust, communication, and boundary setting.
Specific FAQs on Psychosexual Therapy and Diverse Relationship Structures
What to expect in psychosexual therapy? Sessions may include education on sexual health, communication exercises, and behavioural techniques to address specific sexual concerns.
How does therapy address consensual non-monogamy? Therapy explores managing jealousy, setting boundaries, and enhancing communication to support the health of non-monogamous relationships.
